Fairies and Wizards Don't Mix
by LunaDea
Summary: Two magical guests show up at Fowl Manor, and it's up to Artemis, Holly, and Foaly to send them home. Naturally, nothing is as simple as it seems. So how does it all turn out?
1. In which Memories are Recovered, I

Disclaimer: Artemis Fowl- not mine. Harry Potter- not mine. Any questions?

* * *

Artemis Fowl was in the process of diverting twenty-seven million dollars to one of his Swiss bank accounts when he was interrupted by a very small, very odd-looking creature. 

"Artemis Fowl," the creature said, "Never thought I'd be seeing you again. It appears that your heart is as black as ever," he remarked, glancing at Artemis' computer screen.

Artemis was stunned. No one had ever gotten past his security systems before. At least not that he remembered..."Who are you? How do you know me? How did you get in? Where-" Artemis composed himself.

"_Juliet!_" he called.

"What?" she asked, appearing in the doorway. She wasn't as polite as Butler but she was just as good, which was the only reason Artemis kept her around. "I was in the middle of- Oh." She stopped as she saw the intruder.

"Could you please tell me how this little cretin got in?"

Juliet was at a loss. "I-"

"Cretin?" The creature interrupted. "Hardly! Don't you remember me?"

Artemis' brow furrowed as he searched his memories. "Vaguely..."

"Mulch Diggums, at your service," he said, bowing graciously.

"Charmed," Artemis replied sarcastically.

Mulch chuckled. "Some things never change, do they? Anyway, I believe I have something that might be of interest to you." He produced a small disk, which Artemis took.

"How do I know this doesn't contain a virus that will ruin my system?" he asked, looking at it suspiciously.

Mulch shrugged. "Destroy it, for all I care. But you're the one who gave it to me."

Artemis' curiosity got the better of him. He scanned the disk for viruses and, deciding it was clean, opened it. He was completely unprepared for what he got. All the schemes, adventures, rescue missions, and- Artemis swallowed as he reached the file on Holly Short- friendships he had experienced since first learning about the fairy world came flooding back.

"Oh my God."

Artemis' eyes sped across the page, greedily reading about all he had done and the technology he had used. His mind reeled as he imagined the amount of money he could make.

"Well, if you have no further use of me, Master Fowl, I'll be on my way," Mulch said as he began to slowly back out of the room.

"Oh no, you don't," Artemis said. Juliet grabbed Mulch, and he knew he wasn't getting away. "I have a few questions to-"

Artemis was interrupted as two teenagers in long black robes appeared out of thin air.

"Honestly Harry, your wand movements were all wrong!" said the female. "And your pronunciation was _dreadful!_"

"Well, let's think," the male retorted. "Could that _possibly_ be because I'm not a Latin scholar like you?"

"How did you even make it to Advanced Charms?" the female wondered. "I can't imagine you scoring anything above 'Poor' on OWLs!"

"Um, Hermione?" the male said, noticing where they were at for the first time.

"_What?_" She looked around and saw the three people staring at them. "Oh, Professor Flitwick's not going to like this at all."

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So, what do you think? Future chapters will be longer... Please review! -Luna 


	2. In which Explanations are Attempted

"Unbelievable," Harry said. "We have no idea where we are, who these people are, or how to get back to Hogwarts, and you're worried about what Professor Flitwick is going to think."

Hermione, meanwhile, was busy assessing the situation. "Are you a house elf?" she asked Mulch.

"I most certainly am not!" Mulch replied indignantly. "What's a house elf? And I really must be going, Fowl."

"You're not going anywhere," said Artemis. "I'm not through with you yet. Besides, if I let you go you'll be back in a week to make off with the family fortune."

"Hang on a minute," Harry suddenly exclaimed to Artemis, "I know you! Weren't you on 'Jeopardy' a few years ago? You answered every single question right."

Artemis chuckled. "Those other two poor saps never had a chance. But that was when I was young and innocent-" Mulch snorted in disbelief, but Artemis ignored him. "There are easier ways to make money, and half a million dollars is a paltry sum these days."

"I didn't know you watch 'Jeopardy', Harry," Hermione remarked.

"The Dursleys consider it cruel and unusual punishment," replied Harry.

Hermione laughed. "For Dudley, maybe."

Artemis suppressed his questions and remembered his manners. "Let us move to a more comfortable environment and continue our discussion there," he offered.

Five minutes later they were sitting in leather armchairs and sipping Earl Grey tea in a large, expensively furnished room. Juliet checked to make sure that Artemis' parents were out of earshot, then they began to talk.

"I am Artemis Fowl the Second. The filthy dwarf in the corner is called Mulch, and this is my bodyguard, Juliet."

Juliet smiled and waved, her green eye shadow sparkling in the light. "Hi, guys."

Harry stared. She was very attractive, and he was currently single...

"She's too old for you," Hermione whispered. "Not to mention she could probably break your arm without batting an eye."

"What? I don't- I wasn't-" Harry whispered fiercely.

"Sure," replied Hermione. "Aren't you going to introduce yourself?"

"I'm Harry Potter," Harry said.

"Pleasure to meet you," Artemis said, shaking his hand. "Nice scar, by the way."

Harry glared at him.

"My name's Hermione Granger," said Hermione.

"You have a lovely name," Artemis shook her hand as well.

Hermione smiled, blushing slightly. "Thank you."

"He's too stupid for you," whispered Harry. Hermione ignored it.

"How did you end up here?" Artemis asked.

"It's a long story," said Hermione. She and Harry looked at each other. "Could you please excuse us for a moment?"

"Of course." Artemis got up and left the room. Harry watched as Juliet followed.

"Focus, Harry," Hermione said.

"Sorry." Harry blushed.

"Should we tell him?" wondered Hermione.

"How else are we going to get back?" Harry asked.

"We could apparate."

"But we don't get our licenses until next year!"

"So?"

"I've been a bad influence on you, Hermione."

"Should we try it?"

"I suppose."

"You do know how, don't you?"

"Really, Hermione."

"Just checking. Ready? One, two, three!"

"Hermione?"

"Yes?"

"Nothing happened."

"I know."

"Now what?"

"Should we tell him?"

"I suppose."

Artemis, of course, had been observing the entire conversation from inside the security control room. "I guess that's my cue," he remarked, standing up to return to the other room. "Juliet, could you check with the local insane asylum and see whether they've had any recent escapes?"

Juliet giggled. "Right."

"Artemis! We were just about to come looking for you," exclaimed Hermione.

"I'm glad you didn't," Artemis replied. "You probably would have gotten yourselves lost. Now, you still haven't answered the question of how you got here."

"It's a bit complicated," Hermione confessed.

"We're not technically supposed to tell anyone who's a muggle," Harry added.

"I beg your pardon!" said Artemis, offended."Wait, what's a muggle?"

"Anyone who isn't magical," explained Hermione.

"Magical?" Artemis repeated.

"We're wizards," said Hermione.

"Wizards," Artemis repeated.

"Yes, wizards," Harry said. "And you don't have to keep repeating everything she says, you know."

Artemis glared at him.

"Anyway," Hermione continued, "we were at Hogwarts-"

"That's a school for wizards," added Harry.

"Yes, we were in Charms class-"

"That's at Hogwarts," Harry interrupted.

"Yes I was getting to that, Harry," said Hermione. "So we were at Hogwarts practicing Banishing Spells-"

"That's a spell where-"

"Harry, could you _please_ stop interrupting me?" Hermione said. "Anyway, we were practicing Banishing Spells in Charms class at Hogwarts. But not those simple throw-pillows-across-the-room Banishing Spells, we learned those two years ago. Right, Harry?"

"Yes, long-distance Banishing Spells, and I...er..."

"Harry screwed it up," Hermione finished bluntly.

"This is all very interesting," Artemis said, "but how do I know you're telling the truth? For all I know you could be thieves, or spies, or psychotic..."

Hermione smiled. "Got your wand, Harry?"

"Of course," Harry took his wand out of his pocket, trying to decide which spell would most impress their host. Something simple, he decided. There was no need to frighten poor Artemis. "_Lumos_," he muttered, and the tip of his wand began to glow.

"That's not very convincing," said Artemis. "For all I know, that could be just an overgrown matchstick you're holding."

A little taken aback, Harry tried again. "_Accio teacup!_" Artemis' cup of Earl Grey flew across the room into Harry's hand.

"Better," Artemis said, "but I would like my tea back. And one more demonstration, just to be sure.

Harry gave the teacup back to him with asmall smile. He knew just the spell that would show this pompous littleson-of-a-

"_Wingardium Leviosa!_"

Artemis immediately flew twenty feetinto the air. "Put me down at once!" he demanded.

"If you ins-"

"Gently!" Hermione warned, knowing that Harry had been ready to let him crash to the floor in a heap. Harry sighed and lowered Artemis slowly back into his chair.

"All right," Artemis said, his normally pale face a little flushed from all the excitement, "I believe you. Now what?"

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Ta-da! Longer chapter! Maybe still not quite long enough, but better, yes? If you review I will love you forever. Thanks! I have also just fixed a small glitch which caused all the ellipses to be replaced by fractions, so it should be much easier to read now. Enjoy! -Luna 


	3. In which Discoveries are Made

"We need to get back to Hogwarts," Harry said.

"And why should I let you do that?" Artemis asked. "A pair of wizards would be very useful in my schemes. Robbing banks, holding world leaders hostage for ransom, infiltrating Haven..."

"Because if you don't help us," Hermione warned as she took her wand out of her pocket, "I'll turn your brain into mush."

Harry laughed.

Artemis, on the other hand, was not amused. "Juliet, please remove her wand." Juliet began to comply, but before she had taken two steps Hermione sprung into action.

"_Petrificus Totalis!"_ Juliet fell to the floor, unable to move.

"Bring her back this instant!" demanded Artemis.

"Why would I do that?" Hermione inquired.

"Because-" Artemis began to make a threat, then saw Hermione making an ominous motion towards him with her wand. "Fine. I'll help."

"Promise?"

"Cross my heart, hope to-" Artemis thought for a moment. "I promise."

Hermione smiled. "Excellent."

"Will you release Juliet now?" asked Artemis.

"Since you asked so nicely, yes." Hermione reversed the spell and Juliet stood up unsteadily. "Now, we need to get back to Hogwarts."

"I said that five minutes ago!" exclaimed Harry.

"Yes, well that was before Artemis' futile attempt to make us his evil minions," Hermione reminded him. "The problem is, we don't even know where Hogwarts is. And there are all kinds of charms and spells protecting it-"

"Platform 9 ¾?"

"Closed. What about the Dursleys'?"

"Are you kidding?!"

"The Burrow."

"Yeah, that's it!"

"What?" wondered Artemis, who had tried to follow the conversation but found himself completely lost.

"We need to go to Britain," Hermione explained. "We have a friend there who can help us."

"That's simple enough. The jet will be ready within the hour," Artemis offered. "Excuse me if I don't accompany you, I have some-" here he glanced at Mulch, who was innocently chewing on a handful of soil from a potted plant "-important matters to attend to." He got up and left the room.

In less than an hour, Harry and Hermione were indeed seated in the jet, flying over the countryside. "What do you think of Artemis?" Hermione asked.

"Git" Harry muttered.

"Harry!" scolded Hermione. "He's brilliant! And he seemed nice enough."

Harry couldn't believe his ears. "The guy's a jerk! Besides, what about Ron?"

"You think I have a crush on Artemis!" Hermione exclaimed. "Not a chance. Although he certainly is smarter than Ron..."

It was Harry's turn to scold. "Hermione!"

"What? It was a joke!"

"I wonder if Draco knows him. I bet they're related."

"Artemis is too smart to be a Malfoy."

"He's evil enough, though. Maybe we should bring him back to Hogwarts with us, they'd tear each other apart!"

"No way. Draco would be history within an hour."

"Maybe Artemis is a vampire. It makes sense- the pale skin, the nasty disposition, the dead bodies in the closet..."

Hermione giggled. "That's horrible!"

Harry was just about to speak again when the pilot of the jet called back to them. "Here we are! At least, these are the right coordinates. Doesn't look like much of anything to me."

Harry and Hermione looked out the window. "This is the place," Harry confirmed. "See, there's the hill with all the trees."

"And there's that little brook," Hermione pointed out. "But where's the house?"

"I don't see it," said Harry. "It doesn't look like it's ever been here."

"Maybe it hasn't."

"Are you saying..."

* * *

"Alternate universes?" Artemis repeated when Hermione and Harry got back to Fowl Manor and explained their situation.

"We didn't even know they existed," Hermione said.

"And now we have no idea how to get back," added Harry.

"Fortunately for you, I know someone who does. At least, if he doesn't, no one will," Artemis said, dialing a number on his cell phone. His mind was already exploring the moneymaking possibilities of this newly discovered alternate universe. "Foaly? It's Artemis Fowl. You remember me,right? I thought so. Listen, I have a proposition for you..."

"Let me get this straight," Foaly said. "You want me to send those...wizard children, or whatever they are, back to their own world."

"Correct."

"And in exchange, you would return the fairy technology that you have somehow gotten your hands on once again."

"Correct."

Foaly laughed. "First of all, who's to say you haven't already begun distributing and exploiting that technology? And even if we do have the capabilities to do what you're suggesting, Commander Root would never approve."

"Damn right I wouldn't," Commander Julius Root said as he entered Foaly's office. "Tell Fowl to hand over that technology or we'll blow his little mansion off the face of the earth!"

"Is that you, Root?" Artemis said. "I can almost hear your face turning red."

"Now Artemis," Foaly said, "I'm sure we can agree on some sort of-" he glanced at Root, whose face was indeed turning a lovely shade of scarlet "-mutually beneficial scenario. Perhaps Commander Root would consent to send a team-"

"Absolutely not!" Root roared.

"Did I neglect to mention," Artemis said, "that I recently found a dwarf by the name of Mulch Diggums lurking around inside my house? And don't you have some law against entering the homes of 'Mud People'? I bet you'd love to have him back in custody."

Root was fuming. He muttered something to Foaly through gritted teeth and stormed out of the room.

"Officer Short will be there in a few hours, Artemis. Foaly out."

Artemis smiled and hung up. "Harry, Hermione, follow me."

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Thanks everyone for the reviews! I am currently in the process of making minor formatting adjustments for improved readability. If anyone has any questions, comments, or suggestions, I would be happy to hear them. Reviews, as always, are much appreciated. Merci beaucoup! -Luna 


	4. In which Tensions are High, I

"But how did you get past the memory wipe?" Hermione wondered as Artemis finished telling Harry and her about his adventures in the fairy world.

"I didn't," Artemis admitted. "On the day of the wipe, I gave Mulch a disc containing all of my knowledge regarding fairies and their technology, with instructions to bring it back to me in two years. That's what he was doing today, before you two showed up."

"Fascinating," Hermione said, examining a small metallic blue cube that was resting on the table.

"How do you know this Foaly character is going to be able to help us?" asked Harry. "Or even want to help us, for that matter?"

"He will," Artemis replied confidently. "Foaly is always looking for a challenge. And he is the best."

"If you say so..." Harry said doubtfully.

"What does this do?" wondered Hermione, still looking at the cube.

"It's a C-Cube, built from fairy technology," Artemis explained. "Don't bother trying to open it, it's encrypted with an unbreakable eternity code-"

But before Artemis could finish his sentence, Hermione had opened the cube and was experimentally pressing buttons. Harry chuckled at the shocked expression on Artemis' face.

"How did you...?" Artemis gaped.

"It's not like it was hard," said Hermione. "Do you think it can help us?"

"I don't know," admitted Artemis.

"It's your cube," Harry reminded him.

"I just finished reconstructing it today," Artemis replied testily. "You can't expect me to discover all of its capabilities after only a few hours-"

There was a knock on the door.

"Someone's here to see you, Artemis," Juliet called.

"Send them in."

The door opened and a small fairy by the name of Holly Short entered the room.

"Fowl," she greeted him. "Just when I thought we'd seen the last of each other."

"Hello, Holly. Let me introduce you to my guests. Harry and Hermione, meet Captian Holly Short of the LEP."

"Charmed," said Holly, shaking Harry and Hermione's hands. Hermione let out a short, ruefullaugh. "What's so funny?" Holly wondered.

"Never mind," Harry apologized. "It's been a long day. What's LEP?"

"It stands for Lower Element Police," said Holly.

"So it's like fairy law enforcement?" asked Hermione.

"Exactly." Holly grinned at Artemis. "Careful, Fowl, this one might give you a run for your money."

"Not if we send her back to her own universe," replied Artemis, reminding everyone of the purpose of the meeting.

"Right," said Holly as she adjusted the earpiece of her helmet. "Foaly, are you reading me?"

"Like a book."

Holly rolled her eyes. "Cute. Is Root there?"

"Unfortunately," Foaly replied. "Er...He wants to know whether you've 'got that damn dwarf yet.' He's not happy, as you may have guessed."

Holly cringed. "I'm working on it. Tell him not to worry."

Foaly laughed. "Have you met Root?"

"I know. You'll be listening in on things, right?"

"Of course. Good luck, Holly. Foaly out."

"Where's Mulch, Artemis?" asked Holly.

"Locked up and incapable of causing trouble," Artemis replied.

"I really should take him into custody."

Artemis laughed. "And take my leverage? I thought you knew me better than that, Holly."

Holly frowned. "What do you want, Fowl?"

"Nothing much. Just the assurance that when this is over, my memory will still be intact."

"You should have thought about that before you contacted us."

"Do you want Mulch or not?"

"You're a bigger liability than he is."

"We'll see."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"Wouldn't you like to know?"

"Listen, Mud Boy-"

As Artemis and Holly continued arguing, Harry and Hermione moved off to the side. "This isn't going well, Harry," whispered Hermione.

"You don't have to tell me that," Harry replied.

"We have to do something, or they'll never stop."

"What are you proposing?"

Hermione's eyes twinkled. "Intervention." She walked back over to Holly and Artemis, who were still arguing. "Stop!"

They both looked at her.

"That's better. Now, here's what we're going to do," Hermione explained, "Foaly will use his technological expertise to send me and Harry home, in exchange for the criminal Mulch Diggums and Artemis' promise not to expose the world to fairy technology."

"What do I get?" Artemis protested.

"The knowledge that you did the right thing," said Hermione. "That, and your memory."

"But how do we know Artemis won't use our technology?" wondered Holly.

"Because at the first sign that he is, you get to erase his memory. Are we all in agreement?" Hermione asked.

"Let me check," said Holly. "Foaly, did you get all that?"

"Sounds good to me."

"It's fine with us, Hermione," Holly said. "Artemis?"

"I suppose."

Hermione smiled. "Excellent. What are we waiting for?"

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Voila! Spring Break is a wonderful thing, isn't it? Yes, I am working on longer chapters and more frequent updates. Thank you to everyone for your reviews! Keep them coming! -Luna 


	5. In which Patience is Tested

Holly smiled at Hermione. "I like your style. Foaly?"

"Here," Foaly answered through her headset.

"What do you need?" she asked.

"Well, to figure out whether this is even possible, I need to know how Larry and Hermicrophone-"

"That's Harry and Hermione, Foaly," Holly corrected him.

"Sorry. Static, you know," replied Foaly.

"Whatever. You were saying?"

"Right. I need to know how Harry and Hermione got here, and how their magic works. It would also be nice to know something about the universe they came from, but I suppose that's asking too much."

"Do you mean you want to talk to one of them?" wondered Holly.

"If it's not an inconvenience."

Holly rolled her eyes. "Always with the sarcasm."

"You know what they say..."

"What's that?"

"'Tact is for those who aren't witty enough to be sarcastic.' Words to live by, if you ask me."

"Sure. But we have work to do, remember?" reminded Holly.

"Oh, yes. Now if I could just talk to one of those charming little Mud People..."

Holly removed her headset. "Harry?"

"You'll want Hermione for this one," Harry confessed. "She understands it all much better than I do."

Hermione took the headset from Holly and put it on. "Hello?"

"Hermione!" greeted Foaly. "Delightful to hear from you. Mind if I call you Herms?"

"Not at all," replied Hermione. "Say, you're a centaur, aren't you?"

"How did you know that?!"

"It was quite simple, really. Your voice was a dead giveaway..."

They continued talking while Holly, standing off to the side with Harry and Artemis, was equally amazed at Hermione's abilities. "She could tell he was a centaur from his _voice?_"

Artemis chuckled. "Don't be too impressed; I told Harry and Hermione all about Foaly and the rest of the fairy world before you arrived. Still, it was a nice touch. I'm beginning to like the girl..."

Harry bristled. "She has a boyfriend, you know!"

"I didn't mean like _that,_" explained Artemis. "Adolescent fantasies are quite beneath me, thank you."

Harry remained unconvinced. "If you say so..."

"Quite. Well it looks like things are under control here, so I'd better go check on everyone's favorite recreant dwarf. Don't do anything stupid while I'm gone!"

"Nice guy, isn't he?" Harry murmured to Holly after Artemis left.

"He is!" she scolded. "Or at least he was, before the memory wipe."

"But if he got his memories back, wouldn't his personality revert as well?" wondered Harry.

"It should have. Unless..." Holly trailed off.

"What?"

"Listen: as far as I know, the only way to put memories back is the way they were taken out in the first place."

"But Artemis got his from those computer files."

"Exactly. So what if he didn't really recover his memories at all?"

"Then it would be like he was learning all that information for the first time-"

"Without any of the feelings or thoughts he had during the events."

"Which would explain why it didn't affect his personality," Harry finished. "So what now?"

"If Foaly could reinsert Artemis' actual memories and make his personality what it was when they were taken out," speculated Holly, "we wouldn't have to worry about him exploiting our technology."

"Because he wouldn't want to?"

"Right," Holly confirmed. "The Artemis I remember was a good person."

"That's hard to imagine," admitted Harry.

"I know," Holly agreed. She and Harry, realizing they were going to be there a while, moved to a pair of comfortable looking armchairs and sat down. "From the sound of things, you and Hermione might have to be mind wiped too," she added.

"What? We're not even staying here!"

"But what about the fairies in your world?"

"We're _wizards._ Don't you think we'd already know if there were?"

"Unless they're clever enough to remain hidden."

"But if there are fairies, why do humans have magic?"

Holly shrugged. "Better safe than sorry. And it's not like you'll lose two years of memories like Artemis."

"Yeah, but what a story to tell my friends!"

Holly laughed. "We'll see..."

Hermione's conversation with Foaly carried across the room. "...and we use wands to cast spells- Why is that funny? ...Now listen, Mr. High-and-Mighty- ...Ok, that's it! If you call me Herms _one more time_, I swear I'll..."

"It doesn't sound like they're getting very far," Harry remarked with a yawn. "I wonder how much longer this is going to take?"

"Who knows? They could be at it for hours," replied Holly. "And then, of course, there's planning and building and getting approval from Root, which has been known to take days..."

Holly trailed off when she saw that Harry was already sound asleep.

* * *

Finally! It's been a while, I know, but I blame stupid computers and AP classes. There wasn't much action in this chapter, but I'm hoping it was ok anyway... Tell me what you think! Thank you to everyone who has already reviewed; you guys rock! Reviews are always welcomed and appreciated. Thanks! -Luna

PS- Alex and anyone else who wants to use this idea are welcome to it; I'm sure I wasn't the first person to come up with it. I would love to read your stories!


	6. In which Options are Considered

"Hermione, could I talk to Foaly for a second?" asked Holly. "You don't mind, do you?"

"Not at all," said Hermione. "I could do with a break from the pompous little son-of-a..." she trailed off with a yawn. "I think I need a nap. Wake me up if something happens."

"Of course," Holly agreed, putting on the headset. "Foaly?"

"Holly, thank goodness! It's so nice to talk to someone who doesn't think they're queen of the world."

"I heard that!" Hermione called from across the room.

"Why am I not surprised? I swear, that girl is one of the most disagreeable Mud People I have ever met."

"And you're one of the most disagreeable centaurs I've ever met," Holly replied.

"Exactly how many centaurs have you met?"

"How many Mud People have you met?"

"Point taken. What is it you wanted to talk to me about?"

"Artemis."

"Ah, yes. What's the little demon-child done now?"

"Does he seem any different to you?"

"Not at all. He's just as much of a nuisance as he's always been."

"Exactly! After we rescued his father, he to have become a good person. When the memory wipe took effect, he reverted to his old evil self."

"But if he has miraculously recovered his memory, his personality should have changed as well. Are you saying..."

"That maybe Artemis isn't as clever as he would have us all believe. He did manage to regain all the information he had about our world, but maybe for once fairy technology was too much for him."

"Finally! You don't know how long I've waited to hear that."

"Foaly!"

"Sorry. What were you saying?"

"Maybe we should give Artemis his memory back."

"Why? Holly, I don't think-"

"Listen, if we wipe his memory again after this incident he could obviously find out about us, since he did it this time. Plus, who knows how much damage it would do? If you give his memory back, he still knows about us-"

"And our technology."

"True, but he won't want to use it against us."

"How do you know?"

"Trust me. Please, Foaly?"

"I'll think about it."

"That's all I ask. How's the other situation coming?"

"Fairly well. I think I've almost got it worked out."

"Really? It sounded like you two were fighting like fairies and goblins."

"As charming as she may be, that Mud Girl does know what she's talking about."

"Well, call back when you've got something."

"Will do. Foaly out."

Holly yawned and stretched. She checked on Harry and Hermione and, finding them peacefully dozing, curled up in a chair and fell asleep.

Late in the night, Artemis carefully crept past all three as he made his way to the cell of Mulch Diggums.

"Psst! Dwarf!" he hissed softly.

"Go away," a drowsy Mulch replied, turning restlessly on the cold stone floor.

"If you insist," said Artemis. "I simply thought you might be interested in getting out of there, but if you're content..."

Mulch sprang up and scurried to the barred cell door. "What do you want me to do?"

* * *

I'm sorry, I'm sorry I'm sorry! I hereby formally apologize for both the lateness and shortness of this chapter. I am _hoping_ to have the next chapter written and posted _extremely soon_, but don't hold me to it. I suppose it goes without saying, but please please _please_ review! Thank you! -Luna 


	7. In which Suspicions are Aroused

Hermione, pretending to be asleep, watched through half-closed eyes as Artemis walked through the room. As soon as he left, she sat up and turned to Harry.

"Harry?" she whispered. "Wake up!" There was no response. Hermione shook him and spoke in a louder voice. "Harry!"

He moved sluggishly to put on his glasses and face her. "What?"

"Do you know the time?"

Harry shrugged. "Two or three, maybe? I dunno."

"Guess who I just sawslinking through the house?"

"Voldemort," Harry guessed.

Hermione ignored his sarcasm. "No, Artemis!"

"Are you sure you weren't dreaming?" Harry replied skeptically.

"Of course not, I haven't slept a wink since we arrived," said Hermione. "But that's not the point. What would Artemis be doing at this hour of the night?"

Harry yawned. "Maybe he was sleepwalking," he suggested.

"I doubt it." Hermione was silent for a moment, deep in thought. "I don't trust him. I don't trust him one bit."

"Yes, I remember hearing that sleep deprivation can result in paranoia."

Hermione glared. "Very funny, Harry. All I'm saying is, we should have a plan."

"A plan," Harry repeated. "What sort of plan?"

"Just in case Fowl tries to- oh, I don't know, lock us in a dungeon for all eternity."

Harry blinked. Deciding that he didn't have enough energy to argue, he lay back down. "Good night, Hermione."

"Harry!" Hermione protested, "Don't you care if we're stuck here forever?"

"Listen, the only way we're getting home is with the help of Foaly and that fairy technology. The only way we have access to that is through Artemis. If he decides not to help us, then it doesn't matter _what_ we do, we're gonna be stuck here."

"Wait," said Hermione. "I talked to Foaly, remember? And I think I have some idea of what he's planning to do. If Artemis gets in the way, we could possibly still go home."

"I suppose," Harry admitted. "The fairies might even help..."

Hermione was puzzled. "What do you mean? I thought the only reason they were involved was Artemis and that dwarf."

Harry told her about his conversation with Holly.

"So if they do give back his memory, that will solve our problem, won't it?" said Hermione when Harry finished. "I still think we should be careful."

"Of course," Harry agreed, "but right now I think you should get some sleep."

"Nonsense, Harry, I..." Hermione was dozing before she finished the sentence.

* * *

Holly awoke to the eerie sensation that she was being watched. She opened her eyes and discovered that Artemis was indeed standing before her. "Fowl!" she exclaimed, now wide-awake.

"Sorry," he apologized. "I didn't mean to startle you. I was trying to remember..."

"What?" Holly prompted.

Artemis' brow was furrowed in forgetfulness. "I don't know," he confessed. "It doesn't matter. How are things going?"

"Well, I think," answered Holly. "Foaly should be calling sometime soon with an update on-"

As if on cue, a voice crackled over the headset. "Holly, do you read me?"

"Yes, Foaly," Holly replied, "we were just talking about you."

"How flattering."

"Do you have a solution yet?" wondered Holly.

"Almost. I need to ask a few more questions-"

"Pardon me," Artemis interrupted. "Could I talk to Foaly for a moment?"

"Let me check." Holly spoke into the headset, "Did you get that, Foaly?"

Foaly sighed. "Do I have to?"

"Be polite," Holly answered in a warning tone, before handing the headset to Artemis.

He put it on carefully, to avoid ruining his meticulously groomed hair. "Hello?"

"Artemis, my dear friend!" Foaly greeted. "How _marvelous_ to hear from you!" His voice was dripping with sarcasm.

"Rest assured that the feeling is mutual." Artemis' reply was cool and crisp. So intent was he on the conversation that he didn't even notice when Holly slipped away.

"What is it that you wanted to talk to me about, then?" wondered Foaly.

"Your project, of course. I am allowed to be curious, aren't I?"

Foaly chuckled. "If you think I'm going to tell you _anything_, you don't know me as well as you think you do."

"Yes, I assumed that would be your response," said Artemis.

"Then what is the point of continuing to banter back and forth?"

Artemis' reply was cut off as Holly burst back into the room. "Mulch is gone!"

* * *

Ta-da! How long was it between postings, a week? See, I _can_ be prompt. Thank you, reviewers, and please keep it up! Bye! -Luna 


	8. In which Tensions are High, II

Foaly heard Holly's outburst over the headset. "What?!"

"Oh, it's nothing," Artemis replied hastily, "nothing at all. I was about to say-"

"Let me talk to Foaly," interrupted Holly. "Now!"

Artemis handed her the headset and moved to leave the room.

"Where do you think you're going?" Holly asked. "Stay right here where I can see you until we get this sorted out."

Artemis was not in an agreeable mood. "No," he said firmly.

A warning spark of magic shot from Holly's finger. "Yes. And don't say another word."

Artemis sighed resignedly and took a seat. Holly turned her attention to the headset, still keeping one eye on him.

"Foaly, it's Holly."

"Was that you yelling before? I thought I heard-"

"Yes. Diggums is gone."

"You mean he just disappeared?

"Without so much as a clump of dirt."

"Artemis."

"Who else would it be?"

"This isn't good, Holly. If there was any chance that I would restore his memory, it's gone."

"Don't you see? That's exactly why he needs it back, so things like this wouldn't happen."

"How will that help us now, though? The dwarf is already gone."

"You think he'll stop at that? Our entire _world_ is in danger."

"Then how will giving him more knowledge help?"

Holly was growing frustrated. "I thought I already explained this..."

* * *

As Foaly and Holly continued their discussion, Hermione listened intently from the doorway. Harry was just waking up.

"Hermione, what are you-"

"Shh!" she scolded him before returning to eavesdropping.

Harry yawned and stretched. He put his glasses on, then joined Hermione by the door. "What are you doing?" he whispered.

"Isn't it obvious?" said Hermione. "Shush, I think something important is happening."

"Have you gotten _any_ sleep?" wondered Harry.

"I told you, I don't need sleep," Hermione replied shortly. "Now either be quiet, or go someplace else."

Harry gave up and decided to pass the time by exploring Fowl Manor. After walking through several magnificently decorated rooms filled with antique furniture, paintings, and rugs, he concluded that not even the Malfoy residence could possibly be as luxurious and extravagant as this mansion.

As Harry entered another room, he was so busy gazing at the enormous chandelier hanging from the ceiling that he almost tripped over something on the floor.

"What...?" Harry looked back and saw a familiar-looking creature. "You're that dwarf! Shouldn't you be locked up in a cell somewhere?"

Mulch grinned. "Clever, aren't you?" He motioned for Harry to come closer.

Harry complied, only to have Mulch grab him and put his hand over his mouth. Harry struggled to break free, but was surprised by the strength of Mulch's grip.

"Let's go for a walk, shall we?" Mulch chuckled as he dragged Harry through the room, down a flight of stairs, and out of the mansion.

* * *

Another chapter! Thank you once again to everyone who has reviewed, I can't say it enough. All questions, comments, and critiques are greatly appreciated. Please review! -Luna 


	9. In which Suspicions are Confirmed

"Harry, what if..." Hermione stopped peering through the doorway and glanced around the room. Harry was nowhere in sight. "Harry? _Harry!_"

She knew he couldn't have gotten far, but a quick check of the surrounding areas confirmed that Harry was indeed missing. Hermione decided it was time to talk to Holly and Foaly.

"Has anyone seen Harry?" she asked, stepping into the other room.

Holly shot an accusing glare in Artemis' direction. "Tell me you don't know anything about this."

Artemis chuckled in disbelief. "What possible reason could I have for kidnapping a teenage boy?"

"What about a teenage boy who also happens to be a wizard?" said Hermione.

"I didn't do it," Artemis replied coolly.

"Prove it," Holly challenged.

Foaly's voice crackled over the headset. "What's going on, Holly?"

"The wizard boy is missing."

"Oh, is that all?" Foaly said in relief.

"Any ideas about what to do?" asked Holly.

"What do you mean? He's not our problem."

"We can't just _loose _him! We have to do something."

Foaly sighed. "If you insist... Have you talked to Fowl?"

"Working on it. I'll call you when I know something."

"Fine. Foaly out."

"You know," said Hermione, twirling her wand and staring at Artemis thoughtfully, "there are several spells that could come in handy right about now. Of course, I don't think any of them would be very pleasant for _you_..."

Artemis, though obviously uncomfortable, struggled to maintain an air of superiority. "Ok. You want proof? Follow me."

He led them to the very heart of the mansion, a room filled with television screens and expensive-looking electronic equipment. Juliet sat with her feet propped up on the desk, polishing her fingernails. She sat up straight as soon as she noticed Artemis entering the room.

"What's up, boss?" she wondered.

"Mulch is missing," he told her. "And so is Larry."

"Harry," Hermione corrected him.

"No kidding!" said Juliet. "How about that?"

Holly was appalled. "And you're in charge of security?"

"Yeah, well," Juliet replied, waving her freshly painted fingernails, "I got distracted."

Artemis frowned. "Juliet, how many times have I told you-"

"Might I remind you all," Hermione interrupted politely, "that Harry is missing, and I would very much like to get him back."

"Why?" asked Juliet. "Is he your boyfriend or something?"

"No," Hermione answered crisply, "but I certainly can't leave without him. Which reminds me, Holly, has Foaly..."

"He's working on it," Holly assured her. "He said he's almost done."

"Then all the more important to find your darling Barry," said Artemis.

"It's _Harry_," Hermione said through gritted teeth. She would have very much liked to sock him one to the jaw right then and there, but she managed to restrain herself.

"My apologies," Artemis replied with a charming smile. "Juliet, have you found any footage of Harry or Mulch on the security tapes yet?"

"Nope," said Juliet, her hands flying across the keyboard. "Wait... Got it!" The image of Mulch capturing Harry appeared on the large center screen.

"Where did they go?" wondered Holly.

Juliet shrugged. "I have them leaving the house, but that's all."

"Great," said Hermione. "So they could be anywhere."

"Surely they can't have gotten far," Artemis suggested.

Holly sighed, feeling a major headache coming on. "Actually, with Mulch's digging abilities, who knows where they are?"

Hermione was not one to give up, especially on one of her best friends. "Well, where do we start?"

Artemis shrugged. "This one's beyond me. Of course, if we had some fairy help..." He looked purposefully at Holly.

"I suppose I could try to convince Root to send a team," she offered, adjusting her headset. "Let me check."

"Foaly here."

Holly explained the situation and Artemis' idea.

Foaly laughed. "Are you kidding? Holly, I had enough trouble getting Root to send _you_. But a whole _team_?"

"You're probably right," Holly admitted. "I guess we'll try to think of something else, then."

"Well, you'd better think fast."

"Why is that?"

"Because I just figured out how to send them back."

* * *

Ahh! It's been _forever_! cringe Sorry about that... Thank you, reviewers! Thank you, thank you, thank you. If anyone feels the need to scold me for tardiness, I completely understand. Please review! Ciao! -Luna 


	10. In which Actions are Taken

With this news, the amount of tension in the room doubled. Suddenly Hermione turned on Artemis, wand at the ready.

"Whatever you know," she said in a threatening tone, "spill it."

"Juliet," said Artemis urgently.

She was busy applying a topcoat to her fingernails. "What?"

"_Do_ something."

Juliet looked up and saw Hermione glaring at Artemis, pointing her wand at his head. She sprang in to action, drawing her gun with no regard for her fresh manicure.

Hermione laughed. "I'm a witch, remember? Do you really think muggle weapons will hurt me?" She waved her wand, and Juliet's gun flew out of her hands and across the room. "Now then, where were we?"

"I can assure you, I know nothing," said Artemis, hands raised in helplessness.

"_Liar!_" Hermione snarled, jabbing her wand into his chest. "I know you went to Mulch's cell last night. What did you tell him?"

"It wasn't to kidnap Harry!" Artemis protested. "We were discussing something completely different."

This information startled Holly. Now she too challenged Artemis. "I told you," she said slowly and menacingly, "to stay away from that criminal. Now tell me exactly what you said."

Artemis, seeing that he was clearly outnumbered, reluctantly gave in. "Fine. If you must know, I was enlisting his help in robbing a bank."

"Robbing a _bank_?" Holly repeated skeptically. "Nice try, Fowl."

"It's the truth!" he said.

"No," said Hermione, on the verge of hysterics. "No, it's not. Where is Harry?"

Artemis relaxed slightly, knowing that he had the upper hand as long as she was in such an emotional state. "I don't know."

Hermione prodded him with her wand again. Before she could do anything, though, Holly intervened.

"Calm down, Hermione," she said gently. "You're not going to be much help to Harry like this."

Hermione reluctantly backed off. Artemis sighed in relief and wiped the sweat off his brow.

"I'm going to get some tea," he said.

"Good idea," Holly agreed. "Why don't we all go?"

Ten minutes later all three of them were sitting in comfortable armchairs and drinking tea, the previous stress all but gone.

"Let's look at this logically," said Hermione. "Do either of you have any idea where Mulch might have taken him?"

"Hang on," said Holly, turning her attention to her headset. "Foaly?"

"Present and accounted for," said Foaly. "Well, not exactly _present_, but-"

Holly cleared her throat.

"Sorry," said Foaly. "I've been doing some research on Diggums, and I have a list of the places he's used for hideouts in the past."

"Do you really think he'd go back?" Holly wondered.

"This is Mulch we're talking about," Foaly reminded her, "not Artemis."

"Right. Any likely spots?"

"Well, with a human in tow it's unlikely that he'd be able to dig or move very fast. That narrows down the possibilities a lot. There's an abandoned farm not too far from where you are; he's been known to frequent the hay loft in the barn."

"Seems like as good a guess as any," Holly agreed.

"I'm sending you the coordinates now. Good luck, Holly."

"Thanks."

Holly faced Artemis and Hermione, both eagerly waiting for news. "Foaly thinks Mulch is hiding out in a nearby barn."

"Well, let's go!" Hermione got up and headed for the door.

"Are you planning to walk the whole way?" Artemis wondered.

"Why not?" replied Hermione.

"Too slow," said Holly.

"I'll have Butler prepare a car," Artemis offered.

Holly shook her head. "Still too slow."

"What did you have in mind?" asked Artemis.

Holly grinned. "We're going to fly."

"Fly?" Hermione repeated worriedly. "I'm really not much good on a broom, but I suppose I could-"

"Who said anything about a broom?" Holly interrupted, producing three rocket packs. "We'll just use these."

Hermione was only slightly relieved. "I don't like heights much, either," she admitted, reluctantly taking a pack from Holly.

"Don't worry," said Artemis, putting on his own rocket pack. "I'm sure you'll get the hang of it." He winked.

Hermione was a bit shocked by this gesture, but her thoughts were put on hold when Holly spoke.

"When we get there…" she began.

"Leave everything to me," Hermione said firmly, securing her rocket.

"I don't think so," said Holly. "Considering that I am the only trained LEP officer here, I think I should-"

"Believe me, I can handle it," Hermione argued. "You have no idea-"

"Still," Holly interrupted. "You're only a teenager."

"That doesn't mean anything! Just look at Artemis, _he's _only a teenager."

Artemis smiled slightly at the compliment as the other two continued arguing.

"Fine," Holly sighed, sensing that Hermione wasn't going to budge. "How about if you get Harry, and I'll take care of Mulch."

Hermione considered for a moment. "Fine."

"Is it really necessary for me to come along?" asked Artemis.

"Yes," Hermione and Holly answered together.

"Considering that neither of us trust you as far as we could throw you," Holly continued, "it absolutely is necessary that you come along."

Artemis sighed in resignation. "Alright."

"Good."

They moved out into the courtyard in front of Fowl Manor and made one final fuel and equipment check.

"Everyone ready?" asked Holly. "Foaly just sent the location, so follow me. Let's go!"

With that, they blasted off into the clear blue sky.

* * *

Arriving at the barn, they found that not only was it abandoned, it was barely standing. They landed just outside, with Holly signaling for silence. She crept forward and peered inside, then motioned for the others to follow. 

"Remind me again, what am _I _supposed to do?" Artemis whispered.

"You're the lookout," Holly replied, "just stay out of the way." She went into the barn.

"And don't mess itup," Hermione added, drawing her wand and following Holly. Artemis glared after her.

It was a sunny day, so it took their eyes a moment to adjust to the relative darkness of the dilapidated barn. When they did, however, there was still nothing to be seen. It was very quiet, except for the creaking of the old building and the muffled sound of their own feet on the hay-strewn dirt floor. It was Holly who broke the silence.

"We know you're in here, Diggums!" she said in a commanding voice.

"Harry?" Hermione called tentatively.

"Hermione!" cried a familiar voice from the hayloft. Harry's head appeared as he leaned over the edge, restricted by his tied hands.

"Quiet, you!" another voice scolded as a hand pulled Harry back from the edge. "If only I'd thought to bring a gag…"

"It's over, Mulch," Holly shouted up to the loft. "If you give yourself up now, your punishment will be more, er, lenient."

A burst of laughter was the response. "Do you really think I'm that much of a fool?"

"We've got the place surrounded," Holly tried.

"In that case, I think it's time to make my exit," said Mulch. "Catch!" A pair of hands sent Harry flying out of the loft and towards the ground.

Hermione, as usual, thought quickly. "_Wingardium Leviosa!_" she said with a swish of her wand. Harry's fall was halted, and he gently floated the rest of the way down.

"That's got to be the most useful spell we've ever learned," said Harry, brushing loose bits of straw off himself. "Thanks."

Hermione smiled and pulled a piece of straw from Harry's hair. "You're welcome," she replied, handing it to him. Harry grinned in embarrassment.

"Mulch is getting away!" Artemis called from outside.

The others rushed out of the barn and saw that the dwarf was about to escape for good.

"Oh, no you don't," Hermione muttered, drawing her wand once again. "_Petrificus totalis!_"

Mulch froze in place just as he began to dig. He was bent over with a mouthful of dirt, unable to do anything.

"Impressive," said Artemis.

Harry glared at him. "What's _he _doing here?"

"Be nice, Harry," Hermione chided, "Artemis helped us find you."

"But he's the one who had me kidnapped in the first place!" argued Harry.

Artemis reddened with indignation. "What?! I-"

"Hush, Fowl," said Holly. "We already suspected as much."

" I told you he was escaping!" Artemis returned.

"Perhaps because you already knew you were sunk and thought you might redeem yourself?" Holly conjectured.

Artemis, deciding that further argument would be futile, fumed silently.

Holly ignored him for the moment. "Well, there's no point in hanging around here," she said. "We'd better go."

"Go where?" Hermione wondered.

"To the Haven, of course," Holly replied, putting on her rocket pack. "We've got to get you home."

* * *

Voila! The longest chapter EVER! My gift to my loyal readers, by way of apology for being so, um, delinquent. Please review! Thanks! -Luna 


	11. In which Memories are Recovered, II

The streets of Haven were nearly empty when Holly, Artemis, Harry, and Hermione arrived. They pushed a trolley containing Mulch, still frozen in digging position, towards LEP Headquarters under Holly's directions. When they arrived, they were greeted by Foaly and a very red Commander Root.

"Agent Short," Root snarled, "you-"

"Have done an excellent job," interrupted Foaly. "And that is a very lifelike statue."

Holly shook her head. "It's Mulch."

Foaly's jaw dropped. "You mean, you…?"

Hermione cleared her throat.

"Ah, yes," said Foaly. "You must be Hermione. I expect this is your work, then," he added, gesturing towards Mulch. "Now _that's_ magic."

"It was nothing," said Hermione, beaming with pride. "I believe we spoke before, do you remember?"

Foaly rolled his eyes. "How could I forget? The most stubborn Mud Person I've ever met. Besides our beloved Mr. Fowl, of course."

Artemis took it as a compliment, and smiled with self-satisfaction.

"_You_," said Root, growing redder all the time, "How dare you show your face here again?"

Artemis shrugged unconcernedly. "It's not like I had a choice. Agent Short insisted that I come."

Root turned and glared at her, but Holly remained unfazed.

"I believe it was the right decision, sir," she said.

"As do I," Foaly chimed in.

Root appeared mollified for the moment. "Who's this?" he asked, pointing at Harry.

"I'm Harry, sir," he introduced himself, "Harry Potter."

"He's the one that Diggums kidnapped," Holly offered helpfully.

Foaly laughed. "How did you manage to get captured by a _dwarf_?"

"He was sneaky!" Harry said defensively. "And he's stronger than he looks."

"Do you think Mulch was working alone?" Root asked Holly.

"No, sir," she replied. "He was probably receiving help and instructions from someone else."

"Any idea who?" Root prompted.

Holly glanced at Artemis before answering. "Yes, sir."

Artemis sighed. "I expect you'll be wanting to erase my memory again, then."

"With your permission, sir," Holly said to Root.

"The sooner the better," Root replied as he to his office. The rest of the group started down one of the hallways that led to the other areas of Headquarters.

"Wait!" Root yelled after them. "Leave Diggums here. I think he'd make a nice…office decoration."

Artemis rolled the trolley back and gave it to Root, then started walking down the long hallway towards his doom.

The memory room was small, stark, and white. Artemis was strapped into a chair in the middle, surrounded by congeries of complicated-looking electronic equipment. Harry, Hermione, and Holly stood nearby, while Foaly bustled about adjusting controls.

"Ready?" Foaly asked when he was finally satisfied with the setup.

"No," Artemis replied defiantly. He looked thoughtfully around the room. "I would say that I'm going to miss you," he admitted, "but I won't remember any of you, will I?"

A tear trickled down Hermione's cheek despite her best efforts. It wasn't fair to steal this intelligent,witty boy's memories just because he made a few mistakes. He had a good heart, and she knew it.

"Besides," Artemis added, "I wouldn't really miss you, anyway."

Hermione gave a half-hearted laugh, and Artemis met her eyes.

"Except maybe you," he said, all trace of cynicism gone from his voice. Hermione began to cry again.

"Oh, stop blubbering," Foaly chided her. "Now, Artemis, how would you like to get your memory back?"

"What do you mean?" asked Artemis.

"Don't play ignorant with me, Fowl," Foaly said in disgust. "You never did regain your memoriesfrom two years ago, did you?""

"Alright, fine," Artemis said reluctantly. "I don't remember a thing. I wasn't even sure that it all really happened until Holly showed up."

"Why didn't you just tell us?" wondered Holly.

"You of all people should know the answer to that," Artemis replied. "I am a proud person, Agent Short-"

"No, really?" Holly said sarcastically.

Artemis ignored her. "-And I didn't want to admit that fairy technology had gotten the best of me."

Foaly sighed with satisfaction. "It's so good to hear those words."

"But how did you know I didn't really remember anything?" asked Artemis.

"Your personality," Holly explained. "After we altered your memory, you were, well…not the same person."

Foaly muttered something under his breath that sounded suspiciously like "pompous little know-it-all." Artemis looked at him curiously, but did not react.

"If you had really regained your memory as you claimed," Holly continued, "theoretically your personality should have changed as well, based on your experiences. But it didn't, so we knew something was wrong. I talked to Foaly, and…"

"She persuaded me to give you back your memories," Foaly finished. "Unless, of course, you don't want them."

"No!" Artemis said hastily. "By all means, proceed."

"Good," said Foaly. "Because I was going to anyway."

"It's for our own good, as well as yours," Holly explained.

"I'm not sure I understand," Artemis confessed.

"You will," Holly assured him.

"Well, what are you waiting for?" wondered Harry. "I'd like to go home."

Hermione elbowed him in the ribs. "Honestly, Harry," she whispered, "you're so insensitive."

"Ow!" said Harry, rubbing his bruised ribs, "That hurt, you know."

Artemis chuckled a little at the exchange. "Do it," he instructed Foaly. Then everything was dark.

He woke up a few minutes later with a pounding headache, memories flooding his head.

"How do you feel?" asked Holly.

Artemis sat up, rubbing his head. "God, I'm such a jerk."

* * *

Not quite as long, I know, but the next -and final- chapter is already in the works, so it should be posted _very soon_. Like, in a couple of days at the most. Knock on wood, right? Thank you, everyone, for your incredible patience and supportiveness. You guys rock! Anyway, please continue to review, and if you haven't yet, there's no time like the present! Geez, how many clichés can a person fit into one author's note? Whatever. Just please review, and thanks! -Luna 


	12. In which Things are Resolved

Foaly laughed. "He remembers, all right."

"It's nice to see you again, Artemis," said Holly.

"I'm so sorry, Holly," he apologized with a worried look.

She smiled. "It's good to hear something genuine coming from you again. And I accept your apology-"

Artemis sighed with relief.

"-As long as you never try to con us again," Holly added.

Harry casually cleared his throat.

"I guess I owe you an apology, too," said Artemis.

"Thank you," Harry said curtly, not feeling quite ready to offer total forgiveness.

"And Hermione," Artemis said, turning to face her.

"Well, you certainly don't have to apologize to _me_," she told him.

"Nevertheless," Artemis continued, "you are the most extraordinary, brilliant person I've ever met."

Hermione blushed. "Thank you," she replied. "You're certainly one of the most brilliant people _I've_ ever met. Harry's the most extraordinary," she admitted.

Artemis smiled. "That's okay."

Harry glared at Hermione, feeling betrayed. "Just wait till Ron hears about this," he whispered.

Hermione looked at him warningly. "What happens in this dimension, stays in this dimension," she said firmly.

"Enough talk!" said Foaly impatiently. "It's time for you two to go home."

"Finally," Harry said, following Foaly out of the memory room. "What do we have to do?"

"Have you ever been to Stonehenge, Harry?" Foaly asked.

"No," said Harry. "Is that where we're going?"

"Am I the smartest one in this room?" Foaly replied rhetorically.

Harry paused for a moment. "You mean besides Hermione?"

Hermione smirked, receiving a loathsome glare from Foaly.

"Stonehenge, then?" Artemis said. "Well, it sounds like a _wonderful_ field trip, but I really have got-"

"Oh, come on, Fowl," Holly teased. "You wouldn't want to miss the fun part, would you?"

Artemis sighed. "Apparently not."

"What happens once we get there?" Hermione asked Foaly.

"Let me worry about that," he replied, producing four rocket packs. "It's the getting there that concerns you."

Hermione eyed the rocket packs worriedly. "Have I mentioned that I don't like flying?"

* * *

Holly, Artemis, Harry, and Hermione soared across the starry night sky. It was a long time before any of them could make out the familiar rock formation in the darkness. 

"We'll land over there," Holly communicated over her headset, pointing to a spot some distance away from the stone circle.

"Couldn't you pick someplace a little closer?" Artemis complained.

"A historical landmark is a historical landmark," Holly replied firmly, "even if it is one of the most magical sites in this world. We don't want to disturb the structure any more than necessary."

They set down, discarded their rocket packs, and begin walking down the road towards the monument.

"This path is rather handy, isn't it?" Harry remarked.

"Honestly, Harry, you can be so thick sometimes," Hermione scolded. "The Avenue is the ancient road leading from the river to Stonehenge, which- and I really hope you knew this- was built by Merlin himself and used by the druids for ancient sacrifices. The name 'Stonehenge' literally translates to 'The Hanging Stones.'"

Even Artemis looked impressed by this information. "Does she know everything?" he asked Harry.

Harry shrugged. "You get used to it after a while."

The group lapsed into awed silence as they passed between two towering stones and entered the circle.

"Alright Foaly, we're in position," Holly spoke into her headset. "Now what?"

"Harry, are you listening?" asked Foaly.

"Yes," Harry replied over his own headset.

"Good. Now listen very carefully," Foaly continued, "and do exactly as I say."

"Got it," said Harry solemnly.

"Ok. Now click your heels together and think to yourself, 'There's no place like home.'"

"There's-" Harry stopped short. "Hang on…"

"Knock it off, Foaly," Holly scolded.

"Sorry," Foaly apologized. "Are you still listening, Harry?"

"Yeah."

"Excellent. All you have to do is repeat the same spell you used to get here."

"That's it?!" Hermione said in disbelief.

"Yes, well, naturally I will be manipulating the space-time continuum from here," Foaly explained. "It's all very technical. You probably wouldn't understand."

Hermione ignored the insult. "Just do it already."

"What?" said Artemis. "Leaving without saying goodbye?"

"The sooner the better," mumbled Harry.

Artemis looked at him sharply. "I'm assuming that's a reflection upon my former personality. I'm terribly sorry about the way you've been treated," he said, shaking Harry's hand. "No hard feelings, ok?"

"Sure," Harry replied grudgingly.

Holly laughed at his reluctance. "I don't blame you, Harry. I'm rather getting used to the new Artemis myself."

Harry smiled. "I'm going to miss you, Holly."

"I'll miss you too," Holly admitted. "Just try not to get into any more trouble, ok?

"I'll do my best," Harry replied.

"That goes for you, too, Hermione," Holly continued.

Hermione hugged her. "Take care, Holly."

"Ahem," Artemis cleared his throat.

"And you, Artemis, of course," said Hermione, hugging him as well. "You really are very clever."

"So are you," he replied. "I… I must confess that I really don't know what else to say…"

"That's ok," Hermione assured him. "Goodbye, Artemis."

"Goodbye, Hermione."

"Perhaps you could persuade Foaly to let you come visit us," added Hermione, taking her place next to Harry in the center of the circle.

Artemis laughed. "Maybe some other time."

"Alright, enough already," Foaly interrupted. "Is everyone set?"

"Affirmative," Holly replied. "And no funny business!"

"I promise," said Foaly. "Holly and Artemis, make sure you're outside the circle. Harry, get your wand ready and proceed on the count of three. Ready?"

"Yes," Harry replied solemnly, concentrating on the task at hand.

"Ok. One…two…three!"

Harry waved his wand and said a few words, and then he and Hermione vanished. Holly and Artemis stood silently for a long time, gazing at the impressive stone monument and the twinkling stars. The moon shone brightly against the midnight blue sky, casting long black shadows across the ground.

"Well," Holly sighed at last, "I'd better get you home."

* * *

They watched the sun come up as they flew, and the sky was a blushing pink by the time they arrived at Fowl Manor. After landing on the foliage-lined driveway, Artemis handed his rocket pack to Holly and they proceeded to the front door. It was Juliet who answered. 

"Artemis," she said with surprise. "Where have you been?"

"To Stonehenge," he replied with a concerned look. "Tell me you knew that."

"Uh... Sure, boss," a confused Juliet replied as they walked inside.

"Would you care to stay for a while?" Artemis asked Holly.

She shook her head. "I'm sure Root will want to debrief me immediately."

"Naturally," Artemis agreed. "Well I guess this is it, then."

"For now," said Holly. "We'll be watching you, though."

Artemis smiled. "I'm counting on it. Goodbye, Holly."

"Goodbye, Fowl."

Holly turned and left, adjusting her rocket pack as she went. Artemis gazed after her until she disappeared into the rising sun.

Finé.

* * *

Voilá! Finished! All done! Hooray! I am very very extremely sorry from the bottom of my heart for the ridiculous lateness of this chapter. Anyway, just because the story is done (Yay!) doesn't mean that you don't need to review. I am still open to revisions and additions, and reviews make me feel good about myself. No sequels are planned for any time in the near future, but let me know what you think. Thank you to everyone who has supported, encouraged, and criticized this story along the way. I really appreciate it! And finally, please don't forget to review on your way out. Au revoir! -Luna 


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